Scribbling at a meeting

@ Bartleet House, Baybrooke Place
7th June 2017

Here i sit today
In a back of a crowded space 
All i see is heads
No faces no pain
Big heads, small ones
Straight hair in place, curly ones trying to escape.
Youngsters with straight Black hair and some going grey.
Spiked mischievous heads & some bold ones with grace
Some relaxed
Some tired & exhausted
After a days work & play
I slowly started thinking to my self
What do I know about them?
where do they come from?
Where are they going?
The dreams they persuing?
All i see is heads
Curious, ambitious, timid, bowed
Proud, mischievous, broken, hopeful…..
i count
30 heads in the room
Thousand and one thoughts in a space

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Timeline

10 years ago:
Have you been selected to university?
6 years ago:
Where you working now?
5 years ago:
When are you getting married?
Now:
It’s time for a child now.
You’re passing your 30s now.
You better be building a house now.
Do you have your own car now?
STOP!!!!
Stop the indoctrination!
Stop creating a time line for my life.
Marry, raise a kid, build a house, buy a car & then what?
Die?
Yes i’m 30 now.
But,
I take life as it comes.
I want to raise kids one day.
I want to raise a thousand kids to be precise.
May be I want to build a children’s home
Be a mom to hundreds of kids who don’t have parents.
May be I want to adopt.
I often think of kids whose parents have suddenly died,
Or are incarcerated, or kids who are too bad for the society, who are in rehab.
What about all those unwanted kids?
May be I want to raise them.
May be I want to have 2 of my own, 3 dogs and one cat too.
So every time you ask me;
Why no kids?
I am dumbstruck
How am I gonna tell you all this,
Without you thinking I’m insane?
Ask me how I’m doing
Where I’m traveling
What books I’m reading
Which poetry I’m writing
Ask me to show you my drawings,
Ask About the Art I create,
About all the friends I have made,
Exciting stories I have to tell,
Love, marriage, kids,
Life doesn’t follow a set timeline.
It’s alright to be 30 and go on a first date,
When your friends are having their third child.
Some nights I like to read alone,
On the couch,
Without a crying child to disturb me.
And i’m telling you,
Right now,
Life is pretty great!!!!!

The Subtext

Wish i could stop
Understanding the subtext
When people talk
Wish i could not read
Between-the-lines

Wish i never get the meaning
Underlying words on the surface
So i’d not get hurt by pretty faces
Smiling at me with bad intentions
So I wont feel bad
When good friends make small
Talk with malevolence

Wish I could never read people
When they ask me how I’m doing
So i could really tell them
How I am doing for once
In my life!

Then again, I thank
My Intuition for all
The friends I make
From around the world,
For all the beautiful people
I click with in an instant

People talk, but listen
To what they mean.
People show off,
But see what they are hiding
Behind filtered pics,
beyond the “likes” & “hash-tags”
See through the masks:

That’s where the power lies
Subtext is the key my friend!

Yes i’am an inconvenient woman!

Yes,

i’am an inconvenient woman;

Stubborn,

Difficult,

Always right.

I have an attitude,

an opinion,

and a very loud voice.

How else a woman can survive?

 

 

 

 

 

Opened up!

I opened up,

for the first time in my life,

to a living breathing soul,

Told her everything;

My fears,

my frustrations.

My darkest secrets,

and deepest desires.

My worst sins and biggest fears.

And when i was finally done,

i was in tears.

She was in tears too.

I told her sobbing that it’s all my fault.

She took my hands,

hugged me so tight,

and she told me;

Oh angel, none of it is your fault, None of it was.

And i still think the world of you!

That was it.

That was all i wanted to hear.

To free my soul.

Thank you!

 

You gotta stop coming to me in my dreams.

Woke up this morning,

Confused & annoyed.

It’s you in my dreams again.

Trying to figure out,

the time of the day.

My eyes still blurry,

trying to read through the shattered phone screen,

it’s half past six,

fifteen degrees, mostly cloudy,

ten percent chance of rain.

My palms still sweaty.

Loosened up my hoodie,

trying to get some air,

trying to breath.

It was definitely you,

but i can’t remember what you said.

You gotta stop coming to me

in my dreams.

You gotta stay away.

Distractions!

Life,

before you,

and the one after.

Everything else after you,

were distractions.

this career,

those affairs,

this marriage,

these friendships,

clothes i wear,

books i read,

poems i write,

songs i sing,

to pass time,

to get through life.

Without you!